My measure of faith

Have you ever seen an actual mustard seed? It is so tiny. Almost barely visible. I have a tiny jar that I have 1 in. I have also gone to the store in the spice section just to look at them. Matthew 17:20 Jesus said ” Because you have so little faith, Truly I tell you, if you have faith like grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ” Move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

My father passed earlier this week unexpectedly. It has shaken me to my core. I have never lived life without him, so this feels very different. It hurts beyond what I can write in words. Experiencing the pain of loss first of my son, then 2 years later my mother and now almost 5 years since her passing my dad, needless to say my faith has been tested, rocked, challenged, and more.  I have sat quietly for many hours wondering, praying, thinking, asking God why?, I’ve sat in tears feeling broken, helpless, asking God to help me, heal me, hold me.

So what can I say about faith? It is the substance /confidence of things hoped for and the assurance that God is working even though we can’t see it.  It does not come easy. It must be exercised to grow.  As with the mustards seed, it can grow to an immense proportion. When you look into what a seed does once it is planted, it is truly amazing. But it will do nothing until it is planted.  Seeds have the ability to remake worlds, and areas around them.

Faith has allowed me to remain rooted even in thee most unsettled of situations.  This immense grief I’m feeling has my faith right about the size of the mustard seed. Grief brings yet again it’s challenges with all of the feelings associated with it. I have come to understand that faith like grieving is a journey. Sometimes prayer is difficult in the presence of grief.

My prayer for you, and for myself is to be willing to accept that things will be different. And in this, I can still be assured that even with the tiniest of seed of faith, we can be confident that God loves us. And one day, although it may not be today, we will flourish under the fire.