Happy Birthday Eliyah Linell

Today marks 1 year to the date that I began this blog. It is also my son Eliyah’s 23rd birthday. I have to say that I am proud of myself for starting something in honor of him. A blog that has allowed me to express many things of my grief journey. Thank you for following and I pray it has and will continue to bless you, bring healing, and understand my grief a little better.

Milestones as today hit very hard. The unpredictability of grief is what I hate the most. You make plans, and then boom! Plans change in a heartbeat because now you no longer “feel” like it or maybe what you thought you’d do you no longer have an interest in doing. Or the weight of the day just became so much that it became to much of a burden. Sometimes it’s other people’s expectations that you must now battle through.

Eliyah was born on the 4th of July. So, in addition to dealing with all the above. It’s a national holiday. People invite you to bar-b-que’s, for some it’s a beach day, and the fireworks at night.  This requires leaving the house. It requires being around people who may not get it. they may want you to be happy as not to bring their celebration down. I can look at a the from the perspective of a clock. I may be up for all of it around 10 am, and not want to see anyone at 4pm. I may just want to reminisce with close family until noon and see some people for a little while at 6 pm. There’s really no rhyme to the reason. It’s just how grief works.

Today, I had plans to celebrate at Disneyland, because it was one of his favorite places, and mine. However my plans changed do to some other things coming up, so I will more than likely go next week.  It’s been 7 birthdays now without him and I have felt the sting, emptiness, hole, every year. every year I’ve done something different. some have been planned and others not so much. I too what feels necessary for my heart, spirit, and mind. 1 year I remember I forced an ended early a trip because my mother wanted me to celebrate with the rest of the family in town. I was miserable.. I didn’t want to be around anyone, and 1 family member even asked “oh is today his birthday”? just completely unaware and didn’t understand my pain. I vowed to never let that happen again, and it hasn’t. I celebrate and honor Eliyah as I see fit. Not under anyone’s request.

I am honored to have been chosen to be Eliyah’s mother. He came into this world calm. I had no drugs, no I.V. and a very relatively pain free natural childbirth. Eliyah lived his life loving us his family, and had a heart for others. He loved God and although he was 6 foot 3, he was a gentle guy. He loved his sisters, and was proud to be their older brother.  I miss him more than anyone could possible think.  Time doesn’t make my heart less empty.  Living my life for God makes it bearable.

Happy 23rd birthday in Heaven Eliyah J. Linell

 

10 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Eliyah Linell”

  1. Beautiful post. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing with the world your heart and your wounds We all are the better for it. Love you girl! ~Adria

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending hugs, love, and prayers of peace your way. Thank you for authentically sharing your reflections on grief in such a beautiful way. Wishing you an abundance of blessings on this most difficult, yet, meaningful and cherished day.

    Happy Birthday Eliyah! You continue to impact and inspire.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read. Please share to others specially those going through loss. Grief sucks. Yet it is something that one day we all must face. I’m open to how God uses me, and sharing allows me to continue to be healed as well. Love to you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When my heart is fluttering on these important days but I can’t gather words, I look to this blog. Yes you’re my wife and right there with me but, your words bring comfort, strength and peace when I can’t find it. God gives this to you and we receive it. Thank you for the touch only God can give through you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for being there as a shoulder to listen to me. You see my struggles the most. God is good and we have to trust him in all things, especially with our fragile hearts.

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  4. Happy Birthday Eliyah!! Liz you are never at a loss for words. Your shared your heart here so beautifully and I could not be more proud of you and the family for the grace you have shown through this. You always bless us and God will continue to bless you.

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    1. Thank you so much!! The love we have for Eliyah allows me to express what God has given. I miss him terribly, and wish he was still here with us physically. I share as part of my healing , but also know many people who share in this grief that I pray God carries them through too.

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