I have a hope….

I pray each day that your sorrows lighten. The Lord is your strength. I knew that when Eliyah passed there would be new journey ahead of us that we would have to endure.  I didn’t want it nor did I ask for it but here it was. I could not change it… I couldn’t close my eyes, click my heels and wake up and he’d be back. I wanted to even bargain with God.. Change this outcome for my peace I cried out!! I wrestled with him, I told God that I thought you loved me…well this doesn’t feel like love… Love shouldn’t hurt I thought. You allowed me to be crushed and I don’t  know if I can trust what you say!! I said all of this in my hurt.  I will tell you that I was in awe that God gave me so much strength and compassion for others in the midst of those first few weeks. My faith in God, probably just a tiny bit bigger at the time than a mustard seed demanded that I have hope.  It demanded that I not lean to what I understood because I didn’t know why. I didn’t have any answers. I knew that this, Eliyah’s absence felt unbearable. My spirit did what my flesh wanted to fight. I was able to smile because deep down I knew God did love me. I kept hearing it….Elizabeth, you’re so strong, you’re so composed, you’re so inspirational, you’re so this and that…..I “felt” like none of that. I was this woman/mother who felt like she has just been stepped on and was struggling to regain focus. I felt insane, helpless, invisible, and very other feeling inside.   These were my feelings.  I believed in the power of God. I knew that if I let go I would have crumbled. I thought that only the dark clouds of despair were visible.  So, I kept my eyes on him. I kept focused on him. I clutched only to him.  I only wanted to see his Glory because my heart, my spirit knew that it was the key to my survival. It was imperative so that I may endure.  I was brought to the edge of hopelessness. I want to encourage you that God knows your struggle, and heartaches. There is no hole to deep that Gods love can’t reach. Endure, fight, and don’t lose hope!!!! Words alone can’t heal so I/we/ will go to the rock that’s higher than us!!! Amen!!!!

6 thoughts on “”

  1. Elizabeth, keeping my own proud bias away, God has chosen you to bring a voice of comfort and truth to a place that most people find either treacherous, fearful, emotionally unbearable or terrifying. No one wants to travel down this road, yet no one is absolved of it. I know that if anyone takes time to read what you have been given to say that they will find some solace or relief to their pain. Go as the Lord leads! As a colleague I am so proud of you. As your husband, I love and encourage you to keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on kevlinell110 and commented:
    For some, all it takes is someone to be near but when that can’t happen…a word is close by. Feeling loss or despair can render a person paralyzed. Take a moment and read this blog from my wife. It may help you to stand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I commend you both. This is a journey that neither of you asked to be on and yet the journey continues… Your words and your truth will heal others as God continues to heal and renew you. Eliyah couldn’t have been born to better parents. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for sharing your journey and for calling forth the grace that I have a hard time embracing myself with ease, understanding and faith. But I’m trying! You are inspiring!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m encouraged. Thank you so much for sharing. Take it moment by moment. Your healing is not a race. Your journey is just that…Yours!!! Let grace guide you, and faith lead you to the place you need to be. It will come. 🙂


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